Suicide hotline and other stuff ?

I'm a girl, I'm 17 and a cutter, and think about suicide nearly every day, don't worry I can't bring myself to actually do it, but I did make a promise to myself that it will happen. last night was not a good night for me, I tried getting on two help chats to speak with someone but it was taking them way to long to connect me, and I'm afraid to call the suicide hotline. I want the cutting, the thoughts in my head and the feelings toward myself to stop, I don't know how or where to go to do it though. I can't tell my parents because you know they'll think different of me. i trust my brother so last night I layed in bed thinking of every way I could just let it out and tell him about the cutting, but I couldn't. I don't really even know what I'm asking here honestly..